We encourage you here to develop a 3:1 ratio everyday in your life. That means to create your life in such a way that you have 3 positives to every negative. Your life, lived in that ratio, will cause you to thrive and flourish. You feel better in the day that you do it, but it is also cumulative, adding up overtime and producing a mindset that has a syngery to it. If you have practiced this you know that by now. And we know from the feedback that many of you have.
Consider increasing that ratio to 4:1 or 5:1. We see these higher levels of flourishing in people with a passion. What is your passion? What is your vision for your life? How are you making meaning in your life? Meaning-making is at the crux of a sense of personal significance (the real source of self-esteem) and at the heart of flourishing and thriving. We are doing meaning-making every day of our lives in every season of our lives.
Meaning-making is the context of our lives, whether or not we know what that meaning is or isn’t. It is entirely possible that we have decided that there isn’t much meaning to our lives and not even really be in touch with that decision. Rather we go through the motions of reacting to what is around us, rather than what is within us. There is a way we are explaining our lives and what is happening to us, a way we are understanding that can represent our meaning-making in an automatic, non-intentional way. As a result we live on automatic, from day-to-day.
Meaning-making has stages and transitions because the structure of our brain changes over our life time. We make meaning in new, different and exciting ways. There are also the transitions between these stages where it can seem like everything is falling apart and doesn’t make sense. That isn’t a requirement but it happens. Whenever we start to know ourselves differently, we begin to know others differently as well. That’s called “self-other differentiation,” and the more clearly you know yourself, the more clearly you will see others. This usually means a change in the nature of relationships. In others words, there are people you attach to and there are those you leave behind.
One of the clearest ways to get to your meaning-making is to clarify goals, malleable goals that can change as you change. Let those goals point the direction to meaning-making. If they are goals that accurately reflect what you really want, they will point the way to meaning-making. Even if they are inaccurate or vague goals, they still point the way by creating contrast. You can feel whether they moving you in the right direction over time. These are all the issues integral to good coaching.
How do you do meaning-making? You make the conscious decision to do more of what you love. If you can’t find what you love or you don’t’ know, then you make the conscious decision to go on the most wonderful adventure of your life and find it.
At the crux of the issue of meaning-making is your sense of personal significance. It is defined by your meaning-making schema. A sense of personal significance keeps you breathing and living and connected to the sense of belonging to life, to self, and to others.
CONTINUING EDUCATION FOR COACHES
1) Comment on the following excerpt from this blog in light of your own experience, your experience with clients or your UpSpiraLife Group.
“Whenever we start to know ourselves differently, we begin to know others differently as well. That’s called “self-other differentiation,” and the more clearly you know yourself, the more clearly you will see others. This usually means a change in the nature of relationships. In others words, there are people you attach to and there are those you leave behind.”
FOR OUR LARGER BLOG COMMUNITY
1) How do you define your “meaning-making” system? What is the source of your sense of personal meaning and significance? Give us some examples and tell us your story.
2) As a result of engaging with our work at ANI, how have your relationships changed? What new relationships have been attracted? Which have fallen away? Tell us how your work in growing a more neuropositive mind has effected these changes.