Somebody To Love

Everybody wants somebody to love, who is really about as nice as we need to be to ourselves. I noticed today the number of people who are looking for someone.  E-Harmony wants me to believe that I can take a test, for which they will find matches for free, and if I want to meet one of those matches, they will tell me where I can find them.

And I’ll tell E Harmony that their success rate is not greater than the statistical probability that you will meet someone on the street, when you are least looking and least expecting to meet anyone. You will meet someone special when you don’t need anybody. And when you do meet them, they will probably get in your way in the beginning because you’re busy leading a very fulfilling life.

People fall in love when they stop looking and longing for someone they can hold hostage to meet the needs in themselves they haven’t defined or know, and don’t meet in themselves.

There is probably some special psychological term for people who long for someone to love who aren’t very nice to themselves.  “Projectoverts…” how’s that?  You could build a whole new industry around that diagnosis. I can see the first interview of a projectovert on “The View” and the five interviewers once again talking all at once. 

What is really interesting is that people who already have someone are also looking for someone to love them like they want to be loved.  Those in the “sacred” institution of marriage, if they are men, cheat on their wives at the rate of 60% and climbing. Wives cheat at the rate of 40% and it isn’t decreasing. Not so good for something so “sacred.”

The love we long to give is the love we long to have, and the love we long to have starts with knowing what you want for yourself.  And so we begin this week with “wanting.” What do you want for you?  What do you need to take care of for you?  What do you need to do for you?  How do you need to make you happy?  Where do you need to forgive in you?

Longing for someone to love us like we “need” to be loved, either someone completely new or from the one we already have, is the sure fire sign the “other” who does not communicate and share with us deeply is, alas, our very own self. 


1) The blog suggests the concept of a “projectovert” as an individual who is looking for a loving relationship but who hasn’t deeply loved part of themselves. How have you experienced this in your life? What strengths have you used to guide yourself to a greater love of who you are? Tell us the story of your journey.

2) “You will meet someone special when you don’t need anybody.” In the context of this blog, how can this seeming paradox be true? How has it been true for you? Tell us your story.

3) How do you connect the concepts of clearly knowing what you want to the reality of powerfully attracting loving relationships? Tell us your story with an example. What tools have you used to gain clarity about you? What or whom have you attracted as a result?

About the author

Dr. William K. Larkin

Copyright © 2015 The Applied Neuroscience Institute