Looking For “The One?”

Right One

There is within us this search for unity, wholeness, and oneness.

We are always being drawn to it, and the more separated we are from ourselves and others and from this ultimate source of unity, the more discontent and out of our own skins we are.

We are drawn, as if to a magnet to Oneness and Unity. But how to get there?

As simple as it is, our state of mind can take us there by plugging us in to this sense of unity. When you practice our Emotional Gym, especially the exercise of pulsing, you are going to be headed in that direction.

Even in the beginning, when it seems that you can’t even feel the feelings of love, peace, gratitude and joy and you can only think them, the contrast of that experience causes you to look at how your thinking or your behavior needs to alter, usually just a little at a time.

By no means do we have to be in a perfect place to feel any of these emotions. They will come just by wanting them and they will increase over time. You do not have to be whole or well or complete to get them. These feelings are at your finger tips and they are there for you all the time, even in the midst of loss and difficulty. They are present and possible even in pain.

Positive emotions like joy and love lead to a sense of unity. In the face of anything, you can have them. In the midst of suffering, you may be only able to think them, but by wanting them, they come. Begin by pulsing them on a scale of 1-10. “1” is a little bit of them and “10” is a great amount. It is not great amounts of them that matter; it is small amounts of them over time that matter.

Feelings are the great revealers of truth. That is why we spend so much time sitting on them and hiding them and betraying them. That’s why we dump drugs and alcohol on them, so we don’t have to feel them and listen to the messages they want to give us. They tell us what we are thinking or how our thinking and perception are conflicted.

It is not that our little, everyday feelings are magnets that bring everything to us that is just like them. Rather, it is the patterns of emotions and the predominant emotions that get conditioned in over time that attract to our lives what we experience.

You get what you largely feel because you are in the process, in your own unique way, of creating it.

You can feel the positive emotions of life, even in sorrow and unknowing. And as you practice them and build them into your life, they come to you from within when you need them, without calling on them, and often when you least expect them.

Peace, love, gratitude, joy and hope indeed are, with certitude, yours.

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© Dr. William K. Larkin 

About the author

Dr. William K. Larkin
  • Shuhan Yang, PHR CPCC ACC

    I can personally relate to this post very much when relfecting on my own experience of seeking the right partner (not just in a romantic sense). The external relationship we form with others is a vivid reflection of the one we have formed with ourselves. In other words, when we are deeply connected with ourselves — knowing our values and strengths and honoring our emotions, etc – we can then truly feel the unity with others. Often times we rely on “the right person” to bring us a sense of happiness, belonging and connection and if we are not getting that in a relationship, we tend to point fingers at the other person. That in fact is a projection of the disconnect we have within ourselves that we are not yet ready to feel and acknowlege.

    As a matter of fact, we ourselves hold the key to that happiness and unity we have always been longing for. By having zeno focus on positive emotions, we help our brain to reach its highest degree of synchorny to perform at its best. When we are making efforts to live in UpSpiral every day and playing to our strengths in every situation, we increase the likelihood of experiencing “flow” in our lives — being “one with the music”, more alive, and losing ourselves in the experience. We have a deep and profoud knowing of who we are, what we want, as well as a great amount of faith and openness to receiving our asks as a result. We then attract into our lives the partnership in which we truly share that unity with another person.

  • Dr. gloria wright

    Like attracts like. People who live out of “ain’t it awful” and “poor me” easily attract whiners and victims. Doesn’t it make sense that if we manage our thoughts, feelings and beliefs to support happiness and life-fulfillment, that we would attract like energy? I find that negative people get a quizzical look on their face when you rebuff their misery with hopeful and grateful scenarios. Positive people have the opposite
    reaction. They love that you get the silver lining. My daddy used to say, “Watch the company you keep.” This is true whether you want to improve your tennis game, or live a life of happiness. Having been engaged in the pursuit and process of self-evolution, I have found that my relationships
    were impacted too. When I was doing my dissertation research on Peak Performers, I noticed that they were upbeat and optimistic and had the ability to reframe possible negative situations.
    At the time of my research, my son was a teenager. He used to like to come into my office,
    pick up an interview transcript, and name their work performance style. I asked how he knew whether they were Peak Performers, Workaholics or Peak Performers. His response, “Well, the Average Performers are always asking if they are answering the questions ok. The Workaholics are trying to get you to move on and you keep repeating the questions.” He paused and then said, “All I know about the Peak Performers is that I want to read the rest of the interview.” Very astute observations. Peak Performers are not cookie cutter people. They are engaged and interesting, evolved and authentic.
    So, look at the company you keep and you will probably see yourself! If your friends are upbeat
    and positive, you probably are too! Congratulations – or not….

  • Michelle Carl Rizal

    “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined” is one of my favorite quotes from Henry David Thoreau.

    This quote reminds me of my growing knowledge and “insights-put-into-action” learnings of positive neuroplasticity. The higher we live in an UpSpiral and the more we lean towards a positive state of mind, the more we’ll remember to use our strengths, and the more we can move towards “aliveness” and being in sync with our real selves.

    On a personal note, I’ve paid attention on how living a day (or weeks or months) of gratitude have truly attracted a life that is getting me closer to what I want. Somehow, the ongoing efforts to get clarity have led to meeting people who have shared insights and direction toward more clarity and peace.

    As a career coach, it is also clear that many of the successful job seekers and career transitioners that I’ve worked with, who demonstrated more positive emotions (such as gratitude, peace, and joy) have also attracted—like a magnet—the connections and jobs opportunities to themselves.

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