All through our lives, NeuroPositive being helps us grow in our capacity for secure, healthy attachments and more workable, comfortable, and loving relationships. Insecure, unhealthy attachments come from negative feelings and from DownSpiral living.
The DownSpiral “cages” your brain, captive and narrow.
The DownSpiral narrows us, makes us suspicious and insecure, so it is easy to understand why insecure or unhealthy attachments of any kind are the outcome of narrowing
Secure attachment that is easier and more reciprocal comes from UpSpiral living, where positive feelings and being are an outcome of living in this UpSpiral for longer and longer periods of time.
But why is this the case?
Over the period of our lifetime, our task is one
of integration of the negatives of the past and present into a greater whole of positivity, understanding, and acceptance. That is what the brain is doing as we become more positive. If we are becoming more negative, we can’t do this kind
of positive integration. In fact, more dis-integration occurs.
In a DownSpiral,
we become more distrustful, more negative, more narrow, and we make choices to close ourselves off from the attachments that are full and healthy. Our attachments become more narrow, and integration of the negative into a more positive “whole” can’t happen. This integration or wholeness of our experience is a major task of the maturing adult. When it doesn’t happen, depression, dis-ease, and a disconnection with one’s self, others, and life is the result.
The left side of the brain, the left hemisphere, is that part of the brain that remembers negative memories, and it does this very well. It remembers them pretty much in order, like a list, and it remembers the details –but particularly the negative details in a very one-sided way –the way the person wants to remember them.
The more negative the memory, the more it is cut off from the right side of the brain, the right hemisphere. This right hemisphere remembers things differently. It remembers things more as a whole and more in the context in which they happened. It remembers with a wider view or a wider perspective; it gets and sees more of the whole picture.
In fact, the right side of the brain can store the greater details of a situation and be shut off from the left side of the brain so that the two recollections and ways of seeing the negative thing or the negative memory are cut off from each other. Putting them back together again is called integration. But experiences can be so negative or painful that they can be “jammed” by the left hemisphere in such a way that they never make it to the other side, so to speak.
The whole process we see in getting older that we call “mellowing” or “softening” is probably this process at work in our lives.
Over time, we open up and let the
right side of the brain take the wider look and include more of the over-all picture. We understand things differently. We understand that our fathers or mothers or friends came from situations where their lives were difficult, and we understand that people, including ourselves, do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do if they were upset or pressured, or just humanly made mistakes once in awhile.
People with healthy, secure attachments find it generally easier to let go, step back, and let this kind of wider understanding happen.
The greater the frequency of insecure, unhealthy attachments, the harder it is for the most part not to hold on to negative memories, hurts, and experiences. Here is where positivity being is very important.
The more we can experience positivity and the UpSpiral, and build stronger positive emotions, the more trusting and open we are likely to become.
©Dr. William K. Larkin