The greatest gift may be the one you lose.
We think that the term “detachment” means from “things.”
It is much more about relationships we try to foster that are illusions, that we hold onto as though they will finally come through for us, except they rarely do with much. Especially at the holidays, we are often bound by obligations that make it even more crystal clear to us that there are relationships in our life that are not based in the reality of real give and take, or real sharing and meaning.
By obligation we blow air into the never satisfied balloon of distorted expectations and often toxic silence, or subtle or not so subtle responses that make us try harder – when what is called for is detachment.
This just may be the greatest gift of these holidays: to let go of the attachments where it is impossible to really connect in a way that gives meaning.
Who doesn’t really “get you”? Who doesn’t really “know you” and doesn’t want to, because really understanding you would have to make them rethink their own narrow world?
STOP, reflect, and do what seems like the unholy thing – let go of the illusions of relationship and energy robbing relationships that simply are myths. They have lost their meaning.
We are terribly afraid of challenging the systems and networks that we believe are so holy. They aren’t holy if they aren’t life giving, and if you cannot be appreciated and experienced as who you are, if you can’t “be seen and be heard.”
Take a step back and see where you are blowing air into the illusion of a relationship that no longer works, no longer allows and helps you “be.”
We do no favor for ourselves by pretending to be what we are not, feigning interest when we don’t care, and using enormous energy to play the role someone else requires.
Perhaps it’s time to consider that the great gift may be to let go, to detach, and to let go of the expectations of how you think you should be and have to be, and to get really clear about what you want.
What do you WANT?
The rejection you fear when you are pretending to find meaning where you are not is really like you holding a mirror up to yourself and threatening yourself with nonsense that no longer serves.
You are not enough, says the mirror. You are selfish, says the mirror. You are going to be rejected and unloved says the mirror, You will be alone, guilty, and full of shame, chants the mirror.
All of that is you, afraid to look at what is real and what is not.
Detaching from what robs you, from toxic expectations, or simply the ignorance of people who cannot appreciate you and fail to “know” you may be the beginning of your greatest holiday gift.
We fill our lives with the illusions of what satisfies and wonder why we are empty.
What do YOU WANT?