Have you ever gone to a store with the express purpose of buying something you needed, got home with one or two bags of things, and realized that you forgot what you went for?
You may have reasoned that you didn’t need a list, but on the way to the store, you weren’t particularly thinking about what you were going there to get. You were distracted by the traffic and the sights along the way. You found the store, and dutifully went into your destination without a thought in your mind about what you were there for.
Maybe you walked in with something gnawing on the back of your mind, but you shopped and got a few things, got distracted by a few others, found a good deal, and knew that you were in a hurry to get back home.
Then just before you got into your driveway, you realized that you didn’t get what you went for, and you weren’t about to turn around and go back and get it.
You aren’t alone, if this has happened to you, because it has happened to most people more than one time. It is the way our brain works.
We don’t necessarily focus on what we intend to want, but more significant than that, we don’t always know what we want. In fact, a lot of the time, we don’t know what we really want.
We are much better at thinking we know what we want than we are at really knowing our wants and our desires.
Wanting and remembering what we want, and going after it, is much more significant than we give it play. We treat it something like going to the store for something that we forget. The long-term implications for living are that we can live our entire lives, and never really go after or do what we want to do.
In fact, we can live our entire lives, never ask, and never really know.
If you have dreamed a few times in your life, and you think the result has been some kind of mistake or even a disaster, you may have decided that you can’t trust what you dream or that what you want deeply just isn’t going to be yours.
If you have failed at what you dream many times, you may have decided that you are a failure for having had such dreams, and being foolish enough to follow them.
You were foolish not to have followed them.
Whether or not you were foolish doesn’t begin to be the issue. The issue is what have you learned. Or if you realized, considered, and were open to the learning, what has it taught you?
Many people just close off, not only to what they are dreaming, wanting, and desiring, but they have learned to trust someone else’s dreams or someone else’s best plan for them, deeply believing that their own “wanting” is flawed. That’s a good description of life in a DownSpiral.
You will never find what you want in a DownSpiral, at the bottom of the barrel, or going down further into it.
What you name in a DownSpiral is usually a reaction to not feeling good, it comes from resistance, or tiredness, or exasperation. They are not the ideas that will fulfill you.
When you are in a DownSpiral, you do not think of things in a realistic way, that will make you happy in the long term. And even though there may be exceptions, it is not the rule and not the easy way to do this. It is not the way that remains firm.
One requirement for identifying what you deeply want is to stay in an UpSpiral and use your strengths as guides.
© Dr. William K. Larkin